11th February 2012
Dear Mr. Veemal,
I had the honor in meeting you few weeks ago in NUS Soc Career Fair, the 3
months internship offered by your company is attractive to me. If your company
is still seeking for students with 3 months internship start from May to August
in 2012, I would appreciate the opportunity you consider me as a potential
candidate. More personal details included in the accompanying resume will
illustrate my abilities to fulfill your requirements.
As you will see I am second year student studying in Computer Engineering,
Nation University of Singapore (NUS). I have read modules of programming skills
and I found myself very interested in web development and making apps,
passionate in learning web developing skills like JavaScript, HTML and CSS.
During the teamwork of software engineering with teammates, I learned the
cooperative skills to work with others and learn from them. On the other hand,
I enjoy socializing and have participated in many activities including NUS
Karate team, and through the marketing modules that I have token, I have learned
the way to market in technological area.
From reading your introductory leaflet I received in career fair, I have
been attracted by the working domain and vision of your company. The question
in the leaflet asks “You like beautiful code?” and my answer is yes, I would
like to be a part of your company’s internship program and learn skills in
working place, as well as make benefits for company. I attach my resume with
more details for reference and look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
Wang Zihao
Phone: 85102085
Email: a0073222@nus.edu.sg
Hi Zi Hao!
ReplyDeleteIt was encouraging to see how you've demonstrated the qualities you possess through experiences in school. Good job! And +1 for conciseness!
Only the grammar and spelling needs to be improved on. I believe it's 'National', not 'Nation'. 'Taken' instead of 'token'. Do proofread at least twice alright (:!
Oh, I think "As you will see.. " may be a little too informal. You might consider changing that. The addresses are missing too & I'm not sure if it's deliberate.
Overall, it felt very complete and concrete with all those examples you've given. Great Job!
Thank you for useful suggestions and happy Valentine's Day!
ReplyDeleteHi Zi Hao,
ReplyDeletePerhaps you could leave out "If your company is still seeking for students with 3 months internship start from May to August in 2012"? It seems a bit unnecessary. You could include some qualities about yourself that are in-line with what the company is looking. This will grab the attention of the reader.
The skills you mentioned: JavaScript, HTML and CSS, are you already proficient in them? If you are, it will be better to say that you are good at these skills and they will make you a better Coding Artist.
Furthermore, when you talk about the "other skills" like socializing, you can make them seem relevant to the company.
Last but not least, like Kristyn has mentioned, do proofread your letter several times to reduce errors such as spelling mistakes.
Overall, I think your effort is commendable (:
Joel
Thanks Joel！
ReplyDelete